What Is Your ‘Over’ Trying to Tell You?”

Overreact. Over-give. Over-explain. Over-work.

I came across these words recently, and they really got me thinking. What if the things we tend to do too much of are actually telling us something about what we need? So often, we focus on changing our behaviours without stopping to consider what's driving them in the first place.

Think about it.

Over-giving. Are you always the one stepping in, helping others and putting everyone else's needs before your own? Perhaps underneath is a need to feel valued, appreciated or needed.

Over-explaining. Do you find yourself justifying your decisions, particularly when saying no? Maybe there's a fear of disappointing others, being misunderstood or not gaining their approval.

Overreacting. Have you ever had a strong emotional response to something relatively small? Sometimes it's not just about what's happening in that moment. It may have touched on something deeper, such as a need to feel heard, respected or safe.

Over-working. Are you constantly doing more, taking on extra responsibilities or finding it difficult to switch off? Perhaps underneath is a belief that your worth is tied to how much you achieve or how useful you are to others.

When Does Doing Too Much Start to Cost Us?

These patterns often develop for good reasons. At some point in our lives, they may have helped us feel accepted, valued or in control. But what happens when the behaviours that once served us start working against us?

Over-giving leads to exhaustion. Over-explaining becomes people-pleasing. Over-working can lead to burnout. And overreacting can affect our relationships and emotional wellbeing.

In my coaching and professional supervision work, I often see people who are incredibly capable, caring and committed, yet struggle to recognise when they're giving too much of themselves. They're so used to being the person who holds everything together that they've forgotten to ask what they need.

So I think a Little Curiosity Can Go a Long Way

Rather than judging yourself for these behaviours, try getting curious and the next time you notice yourself doing too much, pause and ask:

"What am I really needing right now?"

Is it reassurance? Recognition? Rest? Connection? Permission to say no? Or simply to know that you're enough without constantly having to prove yourself?

Not every behaviour points to an unmet need, but recognising our patterns can help us better understand ourselves and make more intentional choices.

Because sometimes the answer isn't about doing less. It's about understanding why we feel we need to do so much in the first place.

If you're finding yourself constantly giving, doing and pushing through, perhaps it's time to explore what's driving those patterns. Through coaching and professional supervision, I help people develop greater self-awareness, establish healthier boundaries and create a more sustainable way of living and working.