In May, I was able to attend the Auckland Writers Festival and had the privilege of hearing Dr Lucy Hone speak about her new book, How Will I Ever Get Through This? - A practical guide to navigating life’s toughest times.
Many of you may already know Lucy’s work. As a resilience researcher, she has spent years studying what helps people survive and adapt through adversity.
Her work also comes from a deeply personal place following the devastating loss of her 12-year-old daughter, Abi, in a car accident.
Listening to her speak was powerful. Not because she offered quick fixes or promised that resilience means 'staying positive' or 'bouncing back.' But because her message felt incredibly human.
Over the past few weeks, there has been a strong theme running through many of my coaching conversations, supervision sessions and workshops: life feels heavy for many people right now.
Whether it’s leadership pressures, relationship challenges, health concerns, grief, caregiving responsibilities, burnout, uncertainty, or simply trying to hold everything together, I’m seeing many people asking a version of the same question:
"How am I going to get through this?"
Maybe you’ve asked yourself that question too.
As I continue working with individuals, teams and organisations across New Zealand, I’m seeing a growing desire for deeper self-awareness, stronger communication, and more meaningful ways of understanding ourselves and others.
But underneath much of that is something even more fundamental: People want to know they can cope.
They want reassurance that hard seasons won’t break them. One of the things I appreciated most about Lucy’s message is that resilience is not about becoming tougher or pretending things are okay when they’re not. Resilience is not about pushing through at all costs.
🔸 It isn’t perfection.
🔸 And it certainly isn’t about avoiding struggle.
🔸 Instead, resilience is often quieter than that.
🔸 Sometimes resilience looks like asking for help.
🔸 Taking a day off.
🔸 Crying in the shower.
🔸 Saying no.
🔸 Resting.
🔸 Walking around the block.
Choosing what matters most today and letting the rest wait.
As a nurse, coach and supervisor, I often remind people that our brains and nervous systems are designed to keep us safe, not necessarily comfortable.
During difficult periods, our minds naturally scan for danger and uncertainty. We can start believing that because things feel hard right now, they will always feel hard.
I want you to know that feelings are not forecasts. And hard seasons are not permanent identities. They come and go.
I suspect one of the reasons Lucy’s work resonated so deeply with me is because I see so many people quietly carrying enormous loads while still showing up every day for others.
So I want you to know that if that’s you right now, perhaps this is your reminder:
🔸 You do not have to have everything figured out.
🔸 You do not need to know every step.
🔸 You do not need to do it perfectly.
Sometimes resilience is simply asking: What is the next small step I can take from here? Not the whole staircase. Just the next step.
