I was working with a client recently, and the conversation turned to the workings inside their brain as many coaching conversations do.
Sometimes, as we head towards the end of the year, you might feel pulled in two or more directions. One part of you wants some rest, space, and simplicity because this year has been busy … while another part feels the pressure to keep saying yes, keep showing up, and keep spending.
How many of you have said yes to events when really you wanted to stay home and have a cuppa?
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone - and there’s a reason it feels so hard. It’s not just emotional. It’s neurological. It’s simply your brain doing its main job.
🎾 The Inner Tennis Match
I want you to imagine there’s a tennis match happening inside your mind.
On one side of the court is your Higher Self - calm, grounded, values-driven. It lives in your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for long-term thinking, clarity, compassion, and what really matters to you.
This part, your Higher Self, serves the ball with messages like:
“I’d love a quieter Christmas this year.”
“Do I actually want to go to that event?”
“What if we simplified gifts?”
On the other side is your Inner Critic/Threat System, driven by the amygdala, which is located in the back of our brains. It's sometimes referred to as the Reptilian Brain. Its job is to keep you safe, but it often uses fear, guilt, and ‘what ifs’ to do that.
The Inner Critic returns the ball with:
“You can’t say no.”
“They’ll be disappointed.”
“You should be able to do it all.”
“Everyone else is buying presents… You need to as well.”
Back and forth it goes.
Logic → guilt → clarity → fear → calm → overwhelm.
It’s exhausting because two different brain systems are trying to protect you in completely different ways.
Why does this get louder at Christmas?
This time of year activates some of the most challenging parts of our nervous system:
Social expectations trigger the brain’s belonging system.
Financial pressure activates the threat response.
Family dynamics can stir old patterns.
Decision overload fatigues the prefrontal cortex.
End-of-year exhaustion makes the inner critic louder.
So that back-and-forth tennis match in your head? It’s not a flaw. It’s simply your brain trying to manage too much at once.
There is some good news here 🙌
When you understand what’s happening in your brain, you can interrupt the tennis rally.
You can pause, breathe, check in with your values and ask“Is this an obligation… or a choice?”
And you can choose one small thing to make this season gentler for yourself.
As you move into December, try this simple practice 👇
Before saying yes to anything, place your hand on your heart and ask:
“Which part of me is speaking right now — my Higher Self… or my Inner Critic?”
Let the wiser part take the next shot.
Kathy 🧡
