The Third Space: Creating Calm Between the Chaos
When a client arrives at my door in overwhelm — shoulders tense, breath shallow, mind racing — I know that what they need first isn’t advice or strategy. They need space.
That’s where The Third Space, a simple yet powerful idea from performance researcher Dr Adam Fraser, comes in. It’s a concept I often share with my clients, and one I use often.
What Is “The Third Space”?
https://dradamfraser.com/speaking-content/the-third-space
Dr Adam Fraser describes life as a series of transitions — from home to work, meeting to meeting, or in my clients’ case, from caring for others to finally taking a moment for themselves.
Each transition has three parts:
The First Space – where you’ve just been (the school run, the shift, the stressful conversation).
The Second Space – where you’re about to go (a coaching session, family dinner, the gym or even just going home).
The Third Space – the pause in between.
It’s that small but sacred space where you get to reset — to let go of what’s just happened and get intentional about how you want to show up next.
When Overwhelm Walks in my Door
When a client comes to me in overwhelm, I often begin by helping them enter this third space. We might:
Pause for breath. A few rounds of slow, deep breathing — in through the nose, out through the mouth — can signal to the nervous system that it’s safe to slow down.
Reflect. “What are you carrying in from your day so far?” Naming it helps loosen its grip.
Reset. “How do you want to feel as we start this session?” That simple question helps the brain shift gears.
Within minutes, their posture softens. Shoulders drop. A sense of calm returns. Only then can we begin the deeper work.
Finding Calm in the Chaos
So many of us rush from one role to the next — nurse to parent, carer to colleague — without ever taking a breath in between. Over time, those unprocessed transitions build up as fatigue, irritability, or disconnection. Leading to burnout often in healthcare workers.
Practising The Third Space gives you the gift of conscious transition. It’s a way of honouring yourself between your many roles. It’s also one of the simplest tools for nervous system regulation I know — and it doesn’t require an app, a candle, or a wellness retreat. Just awareness and intention.
You don’t have to wait for an event or a retreat to use this tool. Try it:
In your car before walking into work.
Between patient visits, clients, or meetings.
Before you walk in the door at home.
Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Reset.
Ask yourself:
“Who do I want to be as I step into this next space?”
Over time, that tiny practice becomes a quiet superpower — one that helps you stay calm, connected, and in control, no matter what the day brings.
